How to Use a Ticking Clock (Writing Emotion: Stress)

The Writing Emotion series observes one emotion at a time in a story that does it well. This is so that we can understand better how to do our most important job as storytellers (no matter the genre): make readers feel.

The objective of these posts is less about learning to convey a specific emotion (joy, sorrow, anxiousness, etc.) and more about studying what is going on underneath a scene that makes the emotionality of it more compelling for the characters and the reader alike—

It’s about learning to write emotion.

Emotion: Stress
Story: Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert

Stress: a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.

Passage from the story:

“All right! Before we say good-bye to #DrRugbae, the team and I have cooked up a fun little game to find out if you guys are couple goals”—he pressed a button that created some sort of cheering effect—“or a total fail.” Another button, this time with a boo.

Dani shifted in her seat, frowning over at Zaf. What on earth was this? No boos. She was too accomplished to be booed. And Zaf spent his free time teaching little boys how to feel, so he certainly shouldn’t be booed. In fact, if anyone dared to boo him, she’d stick her stiletto firmly up their arse. Dry.

While Dani’s temper continued to quietly unravel, presumably due to the stress of the unknown, Edison reached beneath his desk and produced two small whiteboards with dry-erase pens Blu-tacked at the top.

“So how this works is, I’ll ask you questions about each other.” He handed them each a board. “You write down your answers, then we see if they match. It’s a bit like they do on Love Island—you watch Love Island?”

Zaf looked bewildered. “Er…”

Apparently, he’d completely missed that particular phenomenon. Fascinating.

“Never mind, never mind,” Edison said. “Let’s jump right in, shall we?”

Dani narrowly resisted the urge to say, No. We shall not.

At her side, Zaf veered with impressive speed from confusion to horror to unmistakable panic.

… “Question number one,” Edison said, blissfully unaware of his guests’ simultaneous internal meltdowns. “We’ll start easy. Zaf, how does Dani take her tea?”

Zaf stared. “So now I…?”

“Now you write down your answer, Dani writes hers, and we see if they match.”

Zaf looked dubious. “All right.”

“Also, you have ten seconds.” Edison flashed them a toothy grin, tapped a button, and a rather high-pressure clock noise filled the room.

“Oh, Christ,” Dani muttered, staring at her whiteboard. She suddenly had no idea how she took her own tea—and, more important, neither did Zaf. If they were really together, he’d be able to answer this, wouldn’t he? Oh dear. If a ridiculous game on a local radio station exposed their lies, Dani might just burn this place to the ground.

After a tense few seconds, she scribbled down her answer without much thought—since they were utterly doomed and absolutely nothing mattered—and waited with dread for the timer to end and Zaf to get this question hideously wrong. Really, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, she told her racing heart. No one would hear them fail some radio game and come to the ludicrous conclusion that their entire relationship was a sham. But they might decide that Zaf was a shitty boyfriend, or that their relationship in general was shitty—how had Edison put it? A fail?—and for some reason, that idea bothered Dani severely.

“All right, time to share.” Edison grinned. “Zaf, what’s your answer?”

Lesson 1: Stakes

Right off the bat, and then repeated toward the end of this passage, we learn what’s at stake for Dani with this little radio game.

She faces potential embarrassment (“She was too accomplished to be booed.”), as well as guilt/outrage (“And Zaf spent his free time teaching little boys how to feel, so he certainly shouldn’t be booed.”), and judgment (“they might decide that Zaf was a shitty boyfriend, or that their relationship in general was shitty").

But the larger picture of what they are trying to accomplish through their fake relationship is also at stake. The very premise of the book! Their plan was to fake a relationship in order to further Zaf’s worthy cause. And this is an obstacle in the way of that goal. A threat to the thing they’re trying to attain.

Stakes should be double-checked in every single scene, no matter the emotion.

Here are 3 simple questions to guarantee each scene of your novel has sufficient stakes (as well as examples from the scene above):

What is the goal of the scene? (What is the primary character’s desire?)
Dani’s goal is to get through the radio interview without blowing their fake dating cover.
How is this goal in danger? (What are the specific threats/obstacles getting in the way of its attainment?)
The interviewer springs on them a game that could expose their lie.
Why does the potential loss or failure of this goal matter to the primary character? (What is the emotional risk?)
Dani faces possible embarrassment, guilt, outrage, and judgment if she blows their cover.

Lesson 2: Layer the temperaments

I've discussed layering in this series before. Layering a set of emotions that gets peeled back, one at a time. Layering the past, present, and future. Layering a mystery. But here, we're seeing another use of layers: layering the temperaments of the characters in the scene.

Dani is stressed, that much is obvious. And as the protagonist of this scene, hers is the emotion we are most inclined to empathize with.

But juxtaposing this stress with the off-handedness of the DJ and layering it further with Zaf's bewilderment and discomfort allow us to see this emotion from different angles.

Using a variety of temperaments/reactions deepens the emotions in the scene, giving our brains more to engage with emotionally and more texture to grip onto.

Lesson 3: A ticking clock

It was inevitable. We were bound to discuss the ticking clock.

This is a timeless writing tool that will add an emotional grip to any scene with stakes. So let’s look at it here:

We're aware of what Dani stands to lose in this scene, and now we put that potential loss up against yet another obstacle: a ticking clock.

"Also, you have ten seconds."

Because we're so well-acquainted with this particular phenomenon (a stressful countdown timer), your heartbeat probably kicked up a notch just by reading that one line, even out of context.

Do you have a lackluster scene that could easily lend itself to the combination of stakes + ticking clock? If so, it’s an easy and effective way to keep the reader engaged.

Note: there doesn't literally need to be a clock, as is the case here. A couple of other strategies might be an approaching antagonist, or a small window of opportunity. For example, to ask out the girl before someone else does.