How to Add Tension to a Scene (Writing Emotion: Apprehension)

The Writing Emotion series observes one emotion at a time in a story that does it well. This is so that we can understand better how to do our most important job as storytellers (no matter the genre): make readers feel.

The objective of these posts is less about learning to convey a specific emotion (joy, sorrow, anxiousness, etc.) and more about studying what is going on underneath a scene that makes the emotionality of it more compelling for the characters and the reader alike—

It’s about learning to write emotion.

Emotion: Apprehension
Story: The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

Apprehension: anxiety or fear that something bad or unpleasant will happen.

Passage from the story:

“Over tea, Scarlett told her mother the story of her wrong bus adventure, and how she had found herself at the graveyard, and how she met Mr. Frost by the little church…

Mrs. Perkins dropped her teacup.

They were sitting around the table in the kitchen, so the cup didn’t fall very far, and it didn’t break, just spilled tea. Mrs. Perkins apologized awkwardly, and went and got a cloth from the sink to mop it up.

Then she said, “The graveyard on the hill, in the Old Town? That one?”

“I live over that way,” said Mr. Frost. “Been doing a lot of grave-rubbings. And you know it’s technically a nature reserve?”
Mrs. Perkins said, “I know,” thin-lipped. Then she said, “Thank you so much forgiving Scarlett a ride home, Mr. Frost.” Each word might have been an ice cube. Then, “I think you should leave now.”

“I say, that’s a bit much,” said Frost, amiably. “Didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Was it something I said? The rubbings, they’re for a local history project, it’s not as if I’m, you know, digging up bones or anything.”

For a heartbeat, Scarlett thought that her mother was going to strike Mr. Frost, who just looked worried. But Mrs. Perkins shook her head and said, “Sorry, family history. Not your fault.” As if she was making a conscious effort, she said, brightly, “You know, Scarlett actually used to play in that graveyard when she was little. This is, oh, ten years ago. She had an imaginary friend, too. A little boy called Nobody.””

Lesson 1: Shift the tone

A shift in tone (if done well and placed effectively) is an excellent tool for creating emotion in the reader.

In fact, in Outline Your Novel I talk a lot about having a moment in every scene where the conflict “escalates.” I clarify that what I really mean by “escalating the conflict” is simply shifting the emotion.

Yes, that can mean moving into a more intense emotion with the use of action or a dramatic reveal. But it can also simply be an unexpected emotion, such as is the case in this example. Scarlett got a ride home from a stranger. Her mother might have reacted poorly to this, but instead, she invited the stranger in for a cup of tea. The unexpected emotion came when the stranger (Mr. Frost) explained where he ran into Scarlett.

Of course, based on what we know of this story and Scarlett/Mrs. Perkins’ experiences in the graveyard, we might have expected a reaction to this reveal, but the shock (dropping her teacup) and the bite (“I think you should leave now.”) are unexpected.

This reaction shifts the tone from a warm cup of tea into something more ominous. Mrs. Perkins’ reaction makes us feel apprehensive. Something bad may happen. Will she get into an argument with Frost? Is Scarlett somehow in danger? Is Frost not who he seems?

All of a sudden, we have a shift in tone and an unexpected fear that everything is not as settled and pleasant as we were led to believe in the beginning of the scene.

Lesson 2: Utilize small action

Small, simple actions can make all the difference.

Yes, yelling and throwing chairs is dramatic, but sometimes smaller moments give us the biggest bang for our buck. In this case, Mrs. Perkins dropped her teacup.

This was her reaction to the revelation of where Scarlett and Mrs. Frost met. But why? What is she thinking? This small action gives us a lot of insight into Mrs. Perkins’ emotionality while leaving plenty of mystery that makes the reader want to keep reading.

As a comparison, a loud fight might keep a reader reading because they want to see how it resolves. This small action has subtext and mystery we want to explore.

Lesson 3: Past, Present, and Future

The definition of apprehension focuses on the future (anxiety or fear that something bad or unpleasant will happen), but in this scene, we’re also curious about the past.

An effective therapeutic tool is bringing someone experiencing a negative emotion back to the present. What do you see? How does your chair feel? Do you have everything you need right in this specific moment?

This is useful because negative emotion is almost always past or future-focused. Worry about what might happen. Regret about what already has.

This scene utilizes both.

We want to know if Mrs. Perkins is worried that Scarlett will somehow get involved with something dangerous now that she has been reintroduced to the graveyard. But we’re also reminded of the danger she was already involved in the last time she was there.

While it’s important to keep scenes focused on the present, drawing out emotion almost always adds layers of the past and future, as well. It might be a simple reminder of the past, a new revelation concerning it, a clue into the future, or a small emotion that makes us curious about what else might have happened or will happen next.